The 5 Greatest Items at Whataburger

In Texas, when someone says they were at church, they either attended an actual church service or they took a visit to a Whataburger. 

Seriously, on the seventh day God rested, but then on the eighth day he created the blueprint for Whataburger.  The salted fries, the spicy ketchup, the jalapenos, the apple pies.  All of it.  Delicious.  God's food.

I've decided to do something that should be humanly impossible.  Rank God's food.  Here's my 5 favorite things on the Whataburger menu.  (Sidenote: When I ask for jalapenos, I'm then told 'would you like them sliced or grilled', what's the difference?)

1. The Avocado Bacon Burger

Let's power rank my three favorite food items. 

1. MEAT

2. BACON (I know that's meat, but Bacon should be ranked twice).

3. AVOCADO

Honorable mention: BACON, BACON, BACON, BACON and BACON

The Avocado Bacon Burger combines my three favorite foods, and it puts it all together with toast.  I don't want none of those buns hun (what's up Nicki Minaj). The only modification that is required for this unbelievable dish is that the onions should be removed.  

Onions, like the majority of vegetables, are only edible fried.  End of story.

2. The Patty Melt

As a child my love affair for toast began with grilled cheese sandwiches.  Since then it's blossomed.  Toast is phenomenal.  It should be substituted with any potential bread offering.

Whataburger got it right with the simple, but delicious patty melt.  I like experimenting with some of their newer specials from time to time, but you always have to return to what's always great.  That's the patty melt.

Also, ask for no onions. 

3. The Chophouse Cheddar burger

Bacon's back, back again.

You can't go wrong with bacon on anything, and the bacon goes so well with everything else on the chophouse cheddar burger.  The sauce is of high quality, and the cheese is phenomenal.  

BUT SERIOUSLY WHATABURGER, STOP FEEDING AMERICA ONIONS.

4. The Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich

Once again toast makes it return to the top 5.  The sandwich is great, and it also allows me to show some love to the chicken strips Whataburger offers.

Chicken strips were my bread and butter as a child, and as I matured I moved onto the sandwich.  It's the best decision I've ever made.  (Sidenote: I make poor decisions). 

5. THE FRIES

87 of the top 100 highlights of my life so far has been finding a Whataburger fry in the bottom of the bag.  The fries at Whataburger are elite.

Behind Chick-Fil-A's waffle fries, Whataburger fries are the best fires in the world.  That's a big statement.

Also, there's no onions.